10 Best Simpsons Quotes on Religion
1. Homer: "Well, I may not know much about God, but I have to say we built a pretty nice cage for Him."
(Episode BABF11: Missionary Impossible, airdate Feb 20, 2000)
2. Superintendent Chalmers: "Thank the Lor -- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion."
(Episode 1F18: Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song, airdate April 27, 1994)
3. Homer: "Could God microwave a burrito so hot that He Himself could not eat it?"
Ned Flanders: (perplexed, cannot answer.)
(Episode DABF11: Weekend at Burnsies, airdate April 7, 2002)
4. Homer: (Trying to get out of going to church) "And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!"
(Episode 9F01: Homer the Heretic, airdate October 8, 1992)
5. God: "Thou hast forsaken My Church!"
Homer: "Uh, kind of ... but ...."
God: "But what?"
Homer: "I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"
God: [pause] "Hmm ... You've got a point there."
(Episode 9F01: Homer the Heretic, airdate October 8, 1992)
6. Bart: "Soul? Come on, Milhouse, there is no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman, or Michael Jackson."
Milhouse: "But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?"
[Scene cuts to Reverend Lovejoy in his office, working a change-sorting machine]
(Episode 3F02: Bart Sells His Soul, airdate Oct 8, 1995)
7. Ned: "Homer, God didn't set your house on fire."
Rev. Lovejoy: "No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they [points to Ned] Christian, [Krusty] Jew, or [Apu] ... miscellaneous."
Apu: "Hindu! There are 700 million of us!"
Rev. Lovejoy: (condescendingly) "Aw, that's super."
(Episode 9F01: Homer the Heretic, airdate October 8, 1992)
8. Bart: (saying Grace) "Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."
(Episode 7FO1: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish", airdate Nov 1, 1990)
9. Milhouse as Moses: "So what's next for the Israelites?"
Lisa: (reading over a scroll) "Well, actually it looks like we're in for forty years of wandering the desert."
Milhouse: "Forty years? But after that, it's clear sailing for the Jews, right?"
Lisa: (continuing to read) "Uh... more or less." (She creates a distraction to change the subject) "Hey, is that manna?"
(Episode AABF14: Simpsons Bible Stories, airdate April 4, 1999)
10. Homer: "Wait, I'm no missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus! Let me out."
Pilot: "Sorry, no can do."
Homer: (pounding on cargo plane door) "Oh, save me, Jebus!"
(Episode BABF11: Missionary Impossible, airdate Feb 20, 2000)
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