How Men and Women Communicate Differently


It's been long suspected that men and women communicate differently, and recent studies confirm it (to a degree). Here are some interesting findings that illustrate why we sometimes seem to be on different wavelengths from our significant others.

1. Men and women write differently. Don't believe it? Copy a recent letter or article you've written into the GenderGenie, a tool based on research by Moshe Koppel of Israel's Bar-Ilan University. This simple tool counts instances of words more frequently used by women (such as with, if, not, where, be), and words more often used by men (the, at, it, said, to).

2. Men and women seek out different "between-the-lines" messages. Women tend to find hidden meanings related to intimacy, or the state of the relationship between the two parties. Men often hone in on underlying messages that indicate the status of the two parties in relation to each other, or the hierarchy of the communication. (Source: 1)

3. Women tend to emphasize the common ground between parties and seek to make each side happy, and it has been found that men will more often point out differences and resolve communication in ways that meet their personal needs. (Source: 1)

4. Men often choose to devote 100% of their attention on one thing at a time, while women seem to be more adept at dividing attention across multiple tasks. This finding may explain why a man reading or watching television may not seem to hear a statement made by the person sitting beside him, though women in similar studies were able to carry on conversations while watching TV or reading. (Source: 2)

5. Differences in communication styles can lead each gender to have a false impression of the other, with men left to think "women are weak, indecisive, and uninformed," while women are led to believe "men are not paying attention to what they are saying," according to Kirstin Carey, a sales and marketing veteran who trains businesswomen in effective communication skills. (Source: 2)

6. Carey adds that women also typically "take in all sorts of peripheral information, while men bore more deeply into the subject at hand." Carey points to a study that had men and women watch a TV news program. When asked about the report they had seen, women could recall the reporter's race, build, appearance, and clothing, as well as background design and other details. On the other hand, the men studied could not recall these details but could more thoroughly describe the facts in the report. (Source: 2)

7. How we respond to the opposite sex during communication is often misinterpreted. It's been observed that while women frequently nod or smile or make other gestures while listening to conversation, men more typically remain silent, believing it's more polite to give full attention and remain silent. As a result, both sides can feel like they're not getting through and become angry or withdrawn. (Source: 2)

8. In the workplace, it is more common for men to stand while presenting to a group, while women more often remain seated. It's believed that this is due to men seeking to hold a position of power in the room ("Whoever's head is higher has the most power") while women may think that remaining at the same level as the audience fosters more meaningful connections. (Source: 2)

9. On the other hand, some researchers believe men and women share far more similarities in communication style than the Mars and Venus type books would have us believe. Still, even these studies find subtle but meaningful differences. Such studies found that men were more likely to give advice to overcome a problem, while women offered moral support and affirmation. (Source: 3)

10. Researchers theorize that our differing communication styles are ingrained at an early age. This nurture-over-nature argument points out that girls as young as toddlers are taught to recognize and appreciate the feelings of others. Conversely, boys are encouraged to be strong and tough, which causes some to feel showing too much concern for others' feelings is a sign of weakness. (Source: 3)

SOURCES:
1 - Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships, Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D. (http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS04.html)
2 - Gender Differences In Business Communications, Kathleen McGinn Spring (http://www.princetoninfo.com/200105/10523s01.html)
3 - The Myth of Gender Cultures: Similarities Outweigh Differences in Men's and Women's Provision of and Responses to Supportive Communication, Erina MacGeorge (http://www.purdue.edu/UNS/html4ever/2004/040217.MacGeorge.sexroles.html)
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